Not Coming to a Theater Near You

Jimmy Houston’s Guide to Bass Fishin’ / USA / 1986

A few weeks ago, while browsing a local video store offering 10 used VHS tapes for 10 dollars, I spotted a copy of Weapons of Death starring Eric Lee. I picked it up. The back cover proclaimed that Mr. Lee displayed “heroic and classy Kung-Fu showmanship.” Sold. I added the film to my pile of VHS treasures, paid my ten bucks, and went home.

Some time later, in a fit of rampant obsessive-compulsiveness, I decided to watch bits and pieces of the ten films, just to make sure they worked properly and I had gotten my dollars’ worth. I put on Weapons of Death. Instead of Eric Lee’s classy Kung-Fu, however, I got a flabby white boy sitting in a boat. I ejected the tape and checked the label. Sure enough, the film I’d purchased was not Weapons of Death, but Jimmy Houston’s Guide to Bass Fishin’.

At first, I was appalled. How had I been duped so easily? Is it not the first rule of used-VHS buying to check the tapes themselves, not just the alluring covers? But soon enough, dismay gave way to joy as I watched in amazement as Jimmy Houston, for more than an hour, and in all his tight-blue-t-shirt, oversized-black-sun-glasses glory, detailed the finer points of bass fishin’, accompanied all the while by an instrumental rendition of Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle.”

Little did I know, for example, that in bass fishing, you have yourself four seasons, them being spring, summer, fall, and winter, or that a junction area is “where two things come together.” And who knew that fish, just like people, need some good lovin’ every now and again?

Of course, I toyed with the idea of returning the film and demanding my dollar back, but that Jimmy Houston was just so entertaining, and so full of bass fishin’ wisdom, that I figured I’d more than gotten my money’s worth, and I decided to keep the tape. And, lacking a spare case, I decided to forever store the documentary in the Weapons of Death sleeve. Who knows? Maybe someday, my hypothetical, Kung-Fu loving son will get the hankering for some Eric Lee heroics, and find himself unwittingly opening his mind to some top-notch bass fishin’ tips. Thanks Jimmy.

by Thomas Scalzo | Source: United Home Video VHS
30 Mar 2006 10:57 PM | Submit Comment