Not Coming to a Theater Near You

Commando / USA / 1985

This is the prototype of Schwarzenegger vehicles, featuring the first (massive) incarnation of the bulky, quick-witted, conspicuously accented, and utterly invincible action hero. Here, he is also the overprotective father (and well he might be) of Alyssa Milano, who is kidnapped by a Cuban Dan Hedaya and the crazy guy from the second Mad Max movie (here, enormously fat).

As these things go, the first half is extremely entertaining, with AS throwing Jerry Horne off a cliff, throwing Bill Duke around a motel room, and throwing himself over, out of, or onto any number of moving vehicles. But the finale is laughably preposterous, with the speedo-ed commando (fortunately not “going commando”) landing on a remote island, gunning down at least a hundred men with fake moustaches, and indiscriminately blowing up buildings in search of little Alyssa.

by Leo Goldsmith | Source: Cable television Broadcast
01 Jun 2006 1:59 PM | Comments (3)

Comments / 3 total / Submit Comment

1. strjh02@moravian.com / 2 June 2006 / 11:33 AM

   These cheesy old Schwarzenegger vehicles are always good for a hoot with friends. Totall Recall is perhaps the most entertaining of all his good-bad movies in my book, but T1 and T2 are still the Star Wars of my youth.

2. leo / 2 June 2006 / 12:09 PM / URL

   Total Recall is indeed awesome, but like many of these films, it falls apart at the end. The beginning of the film is the more entertaining part; Mars looks surprisingly crappy and dull. Sure, there are some good lines (“Screw you, Benny! Screw you!”), but I’ll take Predator over TR in a heartbeat.

   It’s interesting to note that nearly all of Schwarzenegger’s films pair him with a Latina or black woman and rarely with a white woman. Sharon Stone in Total Recall is an exception, but then she turns out to be a villain. It seems that there was a (not-so) tacit agreement among the producers that the coupling of the brutish Arnold and an innocent white lady was unthinkable.

3. conor dunphy / 4 June 2006 / 5:03 AM / URL

   unthinkable by whom? the movie owners or the movie buyers? interesting choice of words. in either case the ploy is obvious. first it sweetens the entrance of the macho us character into the latino market. supposedly this film was to be distributed in the latin american market. which would suit the geopolitcal situation of the day just fine. second it feminizes the representation of the latino other. which would suit the geopolitical situation too. but back to your original comment. unthinkable. i would say no, not unthinkable, but, perhaps, too conservative. i see this casting choice as an experiment in transnational pollination. kudos to the producers for at least thinking to expand their fan base. boo for exploiting femininity to do it. and boo for making such a pile of trash so expensive. that shit should have been free. what channel was it on?